BYOC - BLTN

Better Late Than Never....


It’s BYOC day! Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer a few questions to get to know each other better and to give our blog brains a break! Copy and paste to your own blog and enjoy!!

1. Alright – forgive me – we’re gonna get a little personal here. I was flipping through my organizer and saw in big bright letters “ANNUAL PHYSICAL DUE” coming up soon. Then I remembered that last year my lady bits doc said that since I haven’t had a bad pap in so many years – that I don’t have to come back for another 3 years if I don’t want to. What the what? Did you guys know that? 

No speculum in the vaginulum? 

Anywhoozle – it sounds all good but really – do any of you follow this medical rule? Do you go every three years if you’ve never had a bad pap?

I had a complete hysterectomy when I was 32 so I don't have a pap to smear ;) But my doctor is all about prevention and since my mom died of cancer I get a full check up every year. She checks all my lady parts and I feel better knowing I'm all good. With that said...this year, in February, she gave me orders for a mammogram. And I still haven't gone to get it. She said technically since I just turned 40 she could reluctantly give me a pass this year but next year she would hound my ass until it was done. Yes, I know I need to do it. But having my fingernails ripped out with rusty pliers sounds like a lot more fun. 


2. If you read, what are you reading right now? Or how about what is your fave music right now?


I love to read! And now that I have my nook I love it even more. My favorite book of all time is The Host by Stephanie Meyer. I HATE sci-fi. But The Host completely drew me in and had me from Hello. I liked the Twilight series too, but The Host was so much better. The Clan of the Cave Bear series is my all time favorite series. If I had a little girl I would have named her Ayla. My mom loved them too. The 6th book finally came out after 6 years and I was really looking forward to it but it got some really bad reviews. So for now I'm ok with how the letting the story end after the 5th book. 


Right now I'm reading Water For Elephants. I'm at a tough spot and don't know if I can finish it. I believe there is a special place in hell for people that abuse animals!


Music....ummm right now I'm really into P!nk. That woman speaks to me! I also like Hinder, Katy Perry, Sheryl Crow, Adele, Creed, Daughtry, Maroon 5, Orianthi, Snow Patrol, Shinedown, Sick Puppies, Buckcherry, Evanescence, Elton John, Dixie Chicks (Not Ready to Make Nice makes my daily play list), Bitch by Meredith Brooks also makes that list,  I love to crank up Halestorm in the car and yell my lungs out - best workout music ever. I also like country - right now my favs are Jason Aldean, Lady Antebellum, LeeAnn Rimes, Sara Evans, JoDee Messina, Chely Wright...oh and Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton. I have a serious girl crush on Miranda and holy shit have you seen Blake lately? HOT!!! I would so do him...and her...or both of them ;)


3. Name some of your favorite smells.

Thunderstorms, Fall weather, Baked Apples, my mom's perfume (Poison), Scentsy's You Go Girl, Bleach (yes I know I'm weird), and fresh sheets.


I have to say something here about how a lot of you are saying you love the smell of your kids. And I think that's very admirable. But you obviously don't have an almost 14 year old son that thinks deodorant is optional. I can honestly say I don't like the smell of sweaty teenage boys. Yuck!

4. Showers or baths? Shampoo only or shampoo & conditioner? Shave daily or just when you start feeling and looking like an ape?

Showers - always. Baths are, in my mind, boring and icky. I just can't imagine sitting there in a pool of my own sweat and dead skin cells and just staring at the wall. Please just poke my eye with a fork. I am an every-other-day showerer unless I have worked out or been sweaty, then I have to shower before bed. I am a night-time showerer - for several reasons. Mostly because it means I get to sleep in for an extra half an hour. But I also sleep better after a long hot shower and showering in the morning makes me cold all day. 


Since my hair is short I use shampoo every time I shower and conditioner maybe once a week. My hair dresser told me that red color is sensitive to conditioner so I should only use it when absolutely necessary to make my color last as long as possible. My hair is super fine and has NO texture to it. Putting conditioner on my hair means I will have at least 3 days of flat ugly hair days - so I use it sparingly. Coloring my hair gives it texture and makes it a lot more manageable so keeping my color and not letting my hair get 'too healthy' is key to having good hair days.


Shaving - The pits get it every time I am in the shower. My legs get it on the weekends - I have very light sparse leg hair that grows very slowly. It's ok you can be jealous :) The lady bits get the full treatment every time I'm in the shower. I have shaved for as long as I can remember. I have very sparse hair (see legs) so hair down there was never 'attractive' as hair down there goes. My motto...if it grows it goes ;)

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blogland.

Blogland is great. I am really enjoying the BOOB of the day. I am so happy for Band Babe and her dream job, Grace is engaged and going to live happily ever after, Dawnya cracks me up and I just love her - I can't wait to meet her in Chicago. Speaking of which....the BOOBs planning committee is working their tails off for us again this year and I am getting so dang excited I can't stand it.

Drazil and her BFF Jen sent me the best emails this week. Jen's subject line was 'Sorry your husband is a douche.' I laughed and then I read the email and cried. I had sent Drazil an email in response to one she sent me about the BOOBs blog and I mentioned a little about what was going on and why I hadn't been blogging. Then Jen sent me her email. And then Drazil sent me hers. It literally took me two days to be able to read though it. I would start reading and I would be crying so hard I couldn't see anymore. Then I would try to read more later and I would cry more. I love those two women more than Taco Doritoes and Carmel Cashew Crunch shakes!! 

The support and the love I get from all of you is priceless. Besides Clumsy (who if you don't know, is my sister) you all are the best support group I could ever ask for. Just knowing you are all out there makes my heart smile.

Real life - this is harder...first the good news. 


The good news is that in 5 days, 12 hours, 30 minutes and 6 seconds, my youngest son and I will be getting on a plane to go see Ms. M and Julie S in Seattle. I cannot wait!! My son has never been on a plane or seen the ocean so I am super excited for him. For me, I am just looking forward to seeing my BOOB sisters, putting my feet in the ocean, riding the ferry, and crying on a shoulder or two. I need a break. I need to get away from everything here. Julie has been a rock for me lately and I love her more than I could ever say! And Jen left me the sweetest voice mail that I have listened to 74 times at least. I'm not good at returning calls or emails....sometimes I just don't know what to say or I'm just tired of talking. But I want you all to know that it means so much to me that you have reached out to me. It means the world to me. I know I'm going to cry when I get off the plane and see them there. 


And the bad......I haven't been blogging lately because real life sucks big green donkey dicks. And I am trying to deal with that and wrap my head around it. My life has been dumped upside down and the bottom ripped out from under me. I haven't been able to explain it to myself let alone put it into words. What I know for sure is this. My husband wants a divorce and I'm not going to fight him. He wants to 'see' (read: have anonymous sex) with other people. And that includes other men too. He told me all he needs or ever needed was a piece of ass and a babysitter for his son. -- And yes he said that to the marriage counselor too. -- That's what I have been. I provided a roof over his head, a piece of ass, and a babysitter for when he had his son for visitation. I supported him while he went through school. He has used me for all I'm worth and he is done with me now. Oh....and here's the really fun part. I had to BEG him to stay living here so that we can pay off the debt WE accrued while married. He agreed to stay until the end of the year. I asked him to move out of my bedroom and move upstairs into the spare room. He had the balls to say "And what do *I* get for moving upstairs?" My response: You get to keep your balls. So we are room-mates. We have a financial arrangement. We will file papers when he gets back from Virgina (he is at his 2 wk annual Army training) and by the end of August we will be divorced. My marriage will be over. He can fuck whatever he wants. I will see him every day knowing he doesn't love me, he used me, doesn't want me, and can't wait to get away from me.


It is killing me. 


But I know he will not pay the bills if he leaves, I know that as sure as I am breathing. He originally planned to just move out on me when he gets back from Virginia in 2 wks. He had it planned months ago. I had to beg the fucker to stay. Humiliation does not even begin to describe the emotion.


I will lose my house after he moves out if I can't sell it. I'm not so much worried about that. I have never been in love this house. What I am terrified of is the possibility of losing my four-legged children. My son is devastated that we might have to move away from his friends and that he would have to go to a new school. Kayden hates the soon-to-be ex-husband. The man that he loved as a father, that he thought hung the moon, and would do anything to make him happy and make him proud is now ripping his heart out. We will probably have to rent for awhile until I can save a down payment for a home if I can't get what I want out of my house. Most landlords are not jumping at the chance to rent their property to a single mom with a 50 lb dog and 5 cats. To say I'm scared of what the future holds is an understatement.


I hate him. I hate him with all of my being. And I hope he gets gonorrhea and his dick falls off!!

BYOC - Part II Real LIfe

First, a little update on the angry boob rash. It is gone. For now. When I work out and I get hot and sweaty it comes back. However, I have found the most awesome bra in the world and it helps immensely. It's a sports bra but it has an underwire - NO uni-boob. And comfy - I can't even feel the wire - I could literally sleep in this little baby. Seamless. Oh, and it lifts the girls up higher than ever. I wore it to work under a knit shirt and actually had 2 people compliment me and one even asked where I got it. I took her in my office, locked the door, lifted my shirt and modeled my ta-tas. If I remember the next time I wear it I'll take a picture.

Speaking of the girls....I'm getting serious crepe-paper boob skin. Hopefully this means they are shrinking. 

And now...a little Real Life.....

I got a tattoo on my foot, a butterfly and stars. I have wanted one on my foot for a long time and when Drazil got hers I was like why the hell not? I told the husband I was going to my sisters for the day - and I came home with a tattoo and my nose re-pierced.  HA! (The stud fell out a few weeks ago and by the time I realized it was gone the hole had closed over). The butterfly is for me. There is a coffee cup at SBX that I want really bad with a saying on it that really struck a chord with me. I'm not sure if I remember it word for it word but basically it says "And when world went dark and the Caterpiller thought life was over, she became a butterfly" When I read that I seriously got choked up. I was going to buy it but they didn't have the mug, just the box. Here is a couple pics for your viewing pleasure. When it's done there will be 2 more butterflies,  one for my sister and one for our mom, and it will wrap up over my ankle.

I am going to Seattle to see Ms. M and Jen at the end of the month. Just me and my youngest son are going. Ms. M's son and my son are the same age and have similar interests so we're hoping they will have a good time together. Ms. M has some super fun things planned for us and my son is super excited. Personally, I'd be tickled pink just to see the ocean and ride the ferry. I lived in Bremerton for a year after high school and miss it so much. I can't wait to see my BOOB's and the places that still have a piece of my heart. 

Work has been crazy. I've been working overtime and bringing work home. I actually worked until 5:00 on Friday two weeks in a row. In 5 years I have never worked past 3 on a Friday. And last week my boss told me they bought another company. So that means in the next week I have to set up payroll accounts for another company and all their employees on top of everything else. 

My eating has been craptastic. I don't have time at work to leave for lunch, warming up left-over meat does not rock my world, and time for exercise is a fleeting memory. I have had way too many Taco Dorito and ice cream lunches (whoever invented Taco Doritos needs to be drug in the street and flogged). There have been several days when I have been too stressed to eat dinner. And twice I ate Zone bars for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I have seen scale #'s in the 250's several times but only once on official weigh in day. I have accepted that until my life resembles anything close to normal again that the scale is not going to cooperate. 

What else? Oh.....the husband and I have decided to get a divorce. We have been going back to counseling but the thing about counseling is that it only works if both parties want to be there. And he has made it very clear on more than one occasion that he does not feel he has anything to work on or any responsibility for the success of our marriage. There is so much crap I don't even know where to start. I'll just sum it up here by saying that I feel that I deserve to be more than just a babysitter and a piece of ass. I deserve better than that. I've come too far and gone through too much to settle for being #3 or even #2. I would rather be nobody's #1 than to be somebody's #2. We are going to stay living together until we can get some debts paid off so that we can both afford to support separate households. By the end of the year he should be able to move out. But for all practical purposes we are not together anymore. It is a only a financial agreement at this point. And the sad part is that I'm not really sad. But then again he made the final decision yesterday so maybe it hasn't hit me yet. 

And I bought a pack of cigarettes last week. It's still over 1/2 full but I am definitely stress-smoking. Don't judge. Smoking is legal and less work than trying to hide the body of the idiot I'm currently married to.

And just because I'm feeling guilty for not doing my Bandiversary post sassy I'm going to leave you with a picture of yours truly from last month. This was the day of my husband received his bachelor's degree. And yes, that would me trying to do the trade-marked Amy W toe point ;)

BYOC - yes I'm really doing BYOC

1.  Let's stick with the pictures/exercise and shoe topic and post a picture of (or describe) your work out shoes.

I have two pair of exercise shoes, Saucony's that I practically had to take a second mortgage to buy and cheap $15 Starters from Walmart. I love the Saucony's when I put them on - so comfy - but 20 minutes into a hard walk I feel like I'm walking on cockle burrs. I get huge blisters on the balls of my feet and they go up onto my toes and the blisters make my toes webbed. Not fun - but they are really cute! The Starters are men's shoes and they have a wider toe box. They feel like boats when I put them on but after 20 minutes of walking they are perfect. I guess my feet swell when I walk. So lately I wear the Saucony's for lifting weights (lately my ass...it's been 2 months). I wear the Starters for walking. They aren't purty but they work.

2.  Again with the summer/hot theme of the week....what does your current swimsuit look like?

I bought my first tankini this year and I have worn it once. It has black shorts bottoms and a black with white polka dot top. The top has a super bra in it and I love it. I can't wait to wear it when I go to Seattle to see Jen & Ms. M.

3.  Do you lay out, fake bake, sunless spray tan or use tanning lotion?

Ummm none of the above. I'm with Read on this one. People that lay out have to have something wrong with them. I cannot just lay there sweating feeling the sweat beads roll off my back fat and making my thighs sticky and itchy. I do NOT like to sweat. At least if I'm exercising I can justify it. But purposely laying in the sun is just crazy talk. I fake baked last year a few times when I was really feeling the effects of our 11 month winter. It was ok. I loved that in the middle of January I was actually able to feel warm without 10 layers of clothes. But I hated that I was laying practically naked (I never took my undies or bra off) on a glass surface that could shatter and break at any second under my weight. The entire 15 minutes I laid there I was freaking out wondering how many paramedics it would take to lift me out of the bed. And if I would be electrocuted when I crashed through the glass and shattered the bulbs with my fat ass.  And how much would I owe the gym for breaking their tanning bed? And what if someone before me farted on the bed or did something else really gross in there. Yea...didn't work out so much for me. 

4.  Describe your week in blogland and in real life.

Blogland - I have to confess I have not been as diligent a reader or commenter as I should be (see Real Life below). I have stalked kept up with a few but not as many as I would like. Clumsy, Ms. M, Danya and Draz mentioned my absence and that makes me feel good that someone remembers me. Honestly, Clumsy and Ms. M can't really help it because I irritate call/text them almost every day.

The BOOB's video made me cry. I. Can. Not. Wait. until September. I need my BOOB's!!

Real Life - I just wrote about 4 paragraphs here so I think I'm going to make it a separate post - so much to talk about. Yes, really. Yes, I will do it right now. No, I won't forget. Ok, ok...I'm going right now.