Does this donut make my butt look big?

I’ll get to the 50 in a minute (I'm such a tease hee hee)

I turned the big 4-0 on Monday. I still can't believe I'm actually 40 freaking years old! I don't feel 40. I don't want to feel 40. I guess the thing that bothers me the most about it is that when my mom was 40 she only had 3 more years to live. 40 was the beginning of the end for my mom. And when she was 40 and I was 20 she seemed old and tired. She really was tired, she had cancer raging through her body and didn't know it, but was feeling the effects of it. It's hard, thinking what my mom might have done differently if she had known she was only going to live 3 more years. What would I do if I only had 3 years to live? What would you do?

And then I think about my life. How much I love my life, finally! I love where my relationships are, my kids, my dad, brother & sisters are all getting along for the 1st time in over 15 years. We are almost out of debt, except for the house. And I'm healthier than I have been in over 13 years. And I don't want it to end!! My husband and I were married last year, he is 43. And it's sad for me to think that he and I will most likely never celebrate a 50 year anniversary. I'll never get to see the look on his face by telling him he's going to be a daddy. I'll never get to take a picture of him sleeping with our child laying on his chest. I wouldn't want to have another kid now even if I could. But thinking about all the things that will never be possible is very sad for me. I feel like my own mortality is staring me in the face and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

Moving on because all this downer crap sucks….

Tomorrow is the big 5K day! Let me fill you in on the weather forcast for tomorrow. Maybe the best way to do this is to compare today's forcast with tomorrow's:
Today: Hi-66*, Lo-40*, Mostly Sunny, at 9:52 AM it is 37*
Tomorrow: Hi-63*, Lo-39*, Mostly Sunny with 30% Chance of Rain
The 5K starts 9:00 AM.
So…It's going to be just a few degrees above freezing, and it could be raining to boot. I did a 5K on the treadmill twice this week. The first time I thought I was going to die, the second time, last night, I was ok. If I don't freeze to death then I think I might be able to finish it. I'm going to buy sweatpants and a sweatshirt to wear since I don't think my yoga pants and tank top are going to offer much warmth. I'm planning on taking knit gloves and a scarf too. If I make it to the finish line then my husband will take a picture and I'll post it. Honestly, I would like to find the aliens that kidnapped me, probed me, and implanted the assinine idea in my head of doing a 5K in October. Kidnapped by aliens, yup, it's my only excuse for such a stupid idea. Say a prayer for me :)

Tomorrow (after a hot shower and a nap) hubby and I are running away. We are going to an inn about an hour south that has theme suites. I love theme suite inns!! Last year I got to pick our get-away. It was incredible!! This year it's his turn to pick. I'm so excited!! We're going to order take-out, watch movies on the big screen TV and have lots of dessert :)

In weight loss news…

I finally made it to *50* pounds down..YEA!!! I actually saw it last week but didn't want to say anything until I saw it for 2 weeks in a row just to make sure it was for real. It took me 63 days to lose 10 stupid pounds. So aggravating!! This week I didn't lose anything, in fact I am up 2/10 of a pound. But it's still a full 50 pound loss so I'm not feeling too bad about it. I've really noticed the past month that my weight loss has slowed down a bunch. I've gone from losing a good 1.5-2 pounds a week to barely 1 pound a week. My friend at work, who is the only one at work that knows I have a band, says I'm losing inches and she can see it in my butt and my calves. Hmph. I want to see it on the damn scales!

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging very much. Life has been crazy, I've been at the gym almost every night, and I've been reading a new book. I'll try to do better. And I'm way behind on blogs, I try to read a few here and there when I'm at work but I know there are so many that I am missing. I'm hoping I'll get some time Sunday night to catch up.

I think that's it for now. Have a fantabulous weekend!!  XOXO