The hotel from hell, Giraffes, Wienerschnitzel and The Ex-Husband

So I took the boys to Salt Lake this weekend. It was interesting to say the least..

The drive to Salt Lake: I left work 2 hours early but we finally got on the freeway an hour later than planned. I was meeting my friend and her 4 kids. I had coordinated our meeting point so that would be at the same exit in Utah within 10 minutes of each other. Yea right, it was a nice fantasy. Exit 357 was the magic number, that's where we were supposed to meet. The whole 2 hour freakin long drive to Salt Lake my 19 year old know-it-all son is telling me how I need to speed up, slow down, get in the other lane, and how we're all going to die on the side of the road if I don't let him drive my new car. Yea, he's delusional. So...as The Know-It-All is arguing with me about something that was obviously important at the time but I'll be damned if I can remember what it was now, my 12 year old is in the back seat blabbering something at me and getting louder and louder. As I look up to the rear-view mirror to give him 'the look' for interrupting my winning argument I see it as it goes by in the window.....EXIT 357. Yup, I blew right past it. And the 12 year old says in his best told-you-so smart-aleck tone 'THAT's what I was trying to tell you." Know-It-All called my friend, told her that I'm a dork and had her get back on the freeway and meet us down the road. She will never let me live this down. Great start to the weekend!

Hotel from Hell: We had booked our rooms at the Ramada on Amelia Earhart Drive in Salt Lake. Yup, I'm naming names because trust me, if you ever go to Salt Lake you do NOT want to stay there. I had called the night before we left, talked to the manager. I requested and was ASSured that the room for my friend and me would be either connecting rooms or would be next to each other or across the hall. Fast forward...we finally find the hotel after I swallow my pride and call my ex-husband for directions. The Ex grew up in Salt Lake and is a truck driver...he knows every exit in every town in the country. I tell him which hotel we are trying to get to and he busts up laughing and then reminds me that in fact we had stayed at this hotel 5 years ago and that is was a dive. He told me 'Good Luck' and 'Let me know how that works out for you.' I was optimistic that it might be better, after all it has been 5 years. I was wrong.

We stepped out of our cars and instantly the worst smell hit us. I was thinking a poo-poo plant had moved in next door. It was hot and the stench was suffocating. I didn't think for a minute that  it was the hotels fault. Once again, I was wrong.

My friend and I go into the lobby to check in. First, they had our rooms screwed up. Our rooms weren't even in the same wing! On our statements that we had to sign it said very clearly that our rooms were to be next to each other. We are not off to a good start. I threw a hissy fit and finally got our rooms 8 doors down from each other. I explained that I had talked to the manager, it was written on our bills. AND they didn't have any more rooms with a fridge, even though I had paid extra when I reserved my room to make sure we had a fridge. The desk clerk said she couldn't do anything but the manager would be there at 11 PM, which was in an hour. Oh, and by the way the complimentary breakfast has been discontinued, funny how that wasn't updated on the website. There are 8 of us between my friend and I...it would have been nice to know that we would have to plan on buying breakfast.  I asked the desk clerk to let her manager know I would be back at 11 and that I was NOT happy.

We pull our cars around to the side of the building to find our rooms. The smell gets worse! We get out of the car and it looks like there is water all over the parking lot. But oh no my friends. It was not water. It was raw sewage. Yup...there was a poo-poo plant...in the freaking parking lot!! My 12-yr old almost stepped in a blob of shit that was on the sidewalk. Seriously! We're doing the tip-toe dance across the parking lot trying to walk on the few dry spots in the parking lot. Once again, I try to give the benefit of the doubt...accidents happen...it's late, let's just get some rest and start a fresh day in the morning.

I open the door for our room. If the shit smell in the parking lot wasn't bad enough, our room smelled like mildew. Oh no...we can't open the window...because the window opens to the parking lot. 30 minutes till the manger gets there and he is SO getting a piece of my mind.

My friend orders a pizza for the kids and me and Know-It-All go down to the lobby to wait for the manager.

11:00 - Manager not there.

11:15 - Manager still not there.

Me to desk clerk: Is the manager here yet?

Desk Clerk: Nope

Me: Is he going to be here tonight?

Desk Clerk: I think so

Me: So is he running late?

Desk Clerk: I guess so

Me: Does your manager require you to be on time for you shift?

Desk Clerk: No answer, just rolls her eyes

Me to Know-It-All - Don't you just love a manager that sets a good example for his employees?

Know-It-All - I'm hungry, can I go back to the room and get some pizza?

Me - No you cannot go get pizza...if the manager doesn't get here then you're going to have to bail me out of jail for ringing a desk clerk's neck.

11:20 - Manager finally shows up. We'll call him Lurch.

Lurch asks me if he can help me. Yup, as a matter of fact you can. You can move me and my friend's rooms next to each other, like you ASSured me would be done when I talked to you last night on the phone. You can put a friggin fridge in my room like I paid for. Then, you can clean up the shit pond in your parking lot so my kid doesn't track shit all over your hotel and I won't have to smell it on his shoes all night long. And you can do something about the mildew in our room. And while you're at it we were counting on your contintental breakfast to feed 6 kids in the morning...so do you have coupons or something for the diner down the street?

Lurch - Umm, ummm, ummm

Me - This is NOT acceptable!!

Lurch - I'm sorry, there is nothing I can do tonight.

Me - EXCUSE ME?!? I don't effing think so! It's been a long day, we're hot and we're tired. We paid for certain things, I called to make sure our needs could be accommodated. YOU told me it wouldn't be a problem. And now that you have my credit card and it's 11:30 at night YOU can't do anything. You have MAJOR health violations. And you're 20 minutes late for work. (At this time people came out of the bar to see what the yelling was all about. I seriously was expecting the police to show up any minute). I was pissed and I wanted shit fixed NOW! I explained to him that my first call in the morning was going to be to the health department and my next call would be to the corporate office. THAT changed his tune! He told me he would pull the hose out of the window in the basement that was pumping the sewage into the parking lot...evidently he didn't want to pay to call Rotor Rooter so he was trying to deal with the 'problem' on his own. He comped both our rooms for the night and promised to move our rooms for the next day. I told him not to bother, we definitely would not be staying 2 nights.

The sinks didn't drain worth a shit, the toilet had to be flushed twice and you had to hold the handle down, and I didn't even dare try the shower. I sponge-bathed in the sink. The air-conditioner was broke. It was a great night!

The next morning the hose was still pumping shit into the parking lot. Gross Gross Gross!!!

We got a great rate at a hotel downtown for Saturday night, and they had a fabulous breakfast buffet and a pool for the kids and a hot tub for the adults. I will never ever ever again be a cheap ass when it comes to hotels. Pinky promise.


Hogle Zoo was great, we saw the baby elephant, she is such a cutie. It was hot and sweaty and I could not believe all the hills at the zoo. I definitely got a work-out! My favorite part of the zoo was the giraffes. I have always loved giraffe print. But this time I saw the giraffe's different than before, more than just their awesome spots.  I saw them for the tall, graceful, thin creatures that they are. I was in awe. I want to be like the giraffes..tall, graceful, slender and poised. I bought a stuffed giraffe and a key chain at the gift store for a reminder...be the giraffe!!

Wienerschnitzel. A trip to Utah is not complete without a Kraut Dog from Wienerschnitzel. They have the best dogs!! I blame my mom...she craved Wienerschnitzel Kraut Dogs when she was pregnant with me. I became addicted in the womb. There is no need to fight it. Weinerschnitzel will win. I ate mine without the bun, and I have to say it wasn't really the same, but it was good enough. It's probably a good thing we don't have Wienerschnitzel around here or I'd weigh a lot more than I do. sigh.

The Ex-Husband, The Trucker. When I was talking to him trying to find the Hotel from Hell he mentioned that he would be in town on Sunday and asked if we could hang around long enough for him to see the kids. The kids really hadn't seen him for about a year, mostly because he is always on the road and never home long enough to spend any time with them. So, I reluctantly agreed to meet him at a restaurant since it was on our way home anyway. The Trucker weighed over 400 pounds when we got married, he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure a  few years ago and the doctor told him to lose weight or he would die. And he's lost probably a little more than 100 pounds. He texted me a couple weeks ago and told me he was in a size 48 pants. Yea, it's weird that he texts me stuff like that. I don't text back. But, I did tell him that I was happy for him that he was able to lose the weight when we were at the restaurant Sunday. So as we were standing by my car and the kids were saying good-bye he asks me..."So can you tell I've lost weight..my stomach's a lot flatter huh?" It was an awkward moment...like he was asking me to check him out or something. I was nice and said "Yea, you've really lost a lot of weight." Now, I have told him that I've had Lap Band surgery. He knows I've lost weight. So when I told him that I could tell he had lost a lot of weight I was kind of expecting a little reciprocation. Yea right...nope, nada. Nothing. He didn't say shit. Nothing about how I had lost weight. Ass hole. Self-absorbed ass face!! I hope he chokes on a Twinkie!!

When we got home I realized I had left my phone charger in Utah. The nice hotel doesn't have it. There is no way I'm calling Hotel from Hell to see if I left it there. I'll eat the 35 bucks to buy a new one. Life lesson learned....when it comes to hotels you get what you pay for.

This morning the scales were up 2 pounds from Friday...damn Kraut Dogs.

All in all it was a really fun weekend. I love my friend and her kids and really miss them all very much!

I really didn't mean to make this as long as it is....I have this problem about not knowing what I'm going to write and then never knowing when to shut up.

Ok...shutting up now. Nite everybody. Sweet dreams!!