I Wish Wednesday

I'm jumping on Draz's 'I Wish Wednesday' bandwagon. I haven't exactly been prim and proper all week, but I'm going to vent here, now. Hold on tight.

1. To  my little sister that threw a hissy fit at our brother's house last week while we were cleaning out mom's china cabinet: If there was something specific you wanted you should have spoke up. Don't text me horrible, mean things because I took something you wanted. I was asked what I wanted. I spoke my mind. I asked if there were any objections. You didn't speak. I packed up the china set I wanted. I wish you would realize that storming out of the house, pouting in your car, crying and throwing a pity party does not get you anywhere with me. You should not have sent your kids in the house to do your bidding for you. They do not have your memories, they did not know what you wanted. DO NOT text me to F*ck off and then not speak to me for a week. I wish you could see how sad mom would be when you called her things garbage. I wish you would call me. I wish I had my friend back. I miss you.

2. To my husband: I wish you didn't break your phone 6 days into your 2 week Army training on the other side of the country and no-where near a Verizon store to get it replaced. I wish you would  be more careful with things, like not wrecking my car, not wrecking your truck, not breaking your phone and that you would stay away from power tools. You and power tools are a 911 call waiting to happen! I wish that when you got 5 minutes where there was internet access that you would have sent me a sweet email about how much you miss me, not post on Facebook. I wish I could talk to you and tell you good night and that I love you.

3. To the guy with the office across the hall from mine: I wish you wouldn't fart and burp when you walk past my office door. I know it's you, you're the only one in the hall, the sound and smell pretty much gives you away. Go fart in your own office, with the door closed!

4. To my 19 year old son: I'm tired of walking over your underwear on the bathroom floor. I wish you would pick them up the first time I ask. Hell I wish I didn't have to ask. You are an adult. Start taking responsibility for yourself like an adult. I've hung your dirty underwear on the eagle pole in the front yard more than once, you would think that would behoove you to not leave them where I can find them.

5. To the impatient, rude, employee that showed up at my office today: You are given a checkstub with your paycheck for a reason. I wish you would keep track of it, get a filing cabinet, or tuck it away in your underwear drawer for safe keeping. I am not your book-keeper. I am not your mom. If you show up freaking out because you have an appointment in 10 minutes and need 6 months worth of check-stubs right this minute then you will be shit out of luck. I cannot stop processing payroll for the other 300 employees to spend 30 minutes enabling your irresponsibility. Lack of planning on your part does not make an emergency on my part!!

6. To my husband's holier than thou sisters that have never had to wear a size large anything in their lives: I wish you weren't so shallow and that your words didn't cut like knives. I wish you knew how hurtful your words have been. I'm fat, I get that. I've been warned about not sitting on wobbly chairs before. But I have never been so humiliated or embarrassed as when you said it in THAT tone. One of you wrote BITCH on my car window. I don't know who did it. I'd give my right arm to have a fingerprint kit. You know who you are. I hope your menopause is hell. I hope you gain 100 pounds so I can give you all my fat clothes when I'm skinny. I hope your perfect, skinny, marathon-running, under-age daughters get drunk and dance naked in the Dairy Queen parking lot and your pastor drives by and sees them doing it.

Wow! I feel so much better now. Like when you haven't pooped in a long time and then you finally do and you want to get on the scales to see if you weigh less. Yea, that kind of good. Thank you Draz!! Never thought I'd have a reason to look forward to a Wednesday :D