Things I learned today

1. Telling my husband and my son goodbye when they dropped me off at the airport this morning was harder than I thought. My son cried and then I cried too. 

2. Traffic in Chicago sucks!! If you're staying downtown fly into Midway not O'Hare. It took almost 1 1/2 hours to go 18 miles. According to the driver of the shuttle bus there is never traffic from Midway into downtown and it's 8 miles closer.

3. If you lose the back of an earring you can bite a chunk off a wine cork and use that. Thanks Jenn Steele for that awesome tip...you saved the night!!

4. I had a really good hair & make-up day. It felt good.

5. I don't look like my picture on my blog, at least that's what I was told, twice. Jen took pictures and as soon as she posts them I'm going to steal one of me and use if for my new picture.


7. Best NSV of all - I don't need a seat belt extension on the plane anymore. Really! When I got on the plane I asked the stewardess for an extension and she said. "You don't need one." I said "Yes I do I'm flying to Chicago." Like it didn't even hit me what she was really saying. She said "No, really, I'm sure you won't need one." And when I sat down in my seat I was thinking how stupid we were both going to look when I had to back and tell her she was wrong. But you know what? She wasn't. The regular seat belt fit me...barely...but it fit. And I cried because I was so happy.

8. I am having the best time! It's all so much better than I ever imagined!!

The whole truth and nothing but the truth

I got this in an email today and I just had to share it. I added my own comments in parentheses.

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1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. (Failure to complete this duty will result in being haunted for the rest of your life!)

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. (Yup, been there)

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. (Why can't we turn the break room into the nap room for an hour a day?)

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. (Why hasn't anyone figured this out?)

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? (We've been to the moon but this one thing is still beyond the grasp of the human race)

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? (Ha! They don't even teach it anymore!)

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. (Barely...I've been known to get lost taking a *short-cut* to work.)

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. (Does anyone watch '1000 Ways to Die' on Spike? I love that show!)

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. (Well, at least in daylight hours anyway....when the sun goes down BAM wide freaking awake!)

10. Bad decisions make good stories. (and funny blogs)

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.  (or week, as in this week)

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. (Anybody want about 100 Disney movies on VHS?....no?....didn't think so)

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.  (I hate it when that happens)

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. (guilty!)

 

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. (How else are you supposed to find hidden ice cream at 1 AM without waking up anyone else...ya know, cause then you'd have to share!)

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. (You would have bet on it because nobody remembers for sure)

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. (Amy W would really like this option)

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. (AMEN!!!)

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? (What?)

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! (Not so sure about this one....I'm usually the jerk trying to cut in)

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. (just ask my son...he'll wear the same pants for a week if I don't steal them out of his room and hide them in the laundry)

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. (Who still uses a watch?)

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!  (This is SO true)

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.  That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (or to learn where their brain is REALLY located)

BOOB's questionaire

Hi all the boobie girls! Someone much more organized than I am thought it would be fun to know more about you, and she enlisted me to think of some crazy questions…so…this is sort of a Gillyified version of Drazil’s BYOC. Knock yourselves out.

1) You’re trapped on a desert island and you can bring only 3 of your favorite foods along. What do you bring?

Nachos
Shrimp cocktail
Cherry Garcia ice cream

2) If you could meet any 3 people, living or dead, who would they be and why?
Princess Diana - cause I wanted to be her when I was younger, I loved everything about her. I cried for a week when she died.
The man (you know it was a man) that invented high heels - cause I want to bitch slap him upside the head!!
Drazil - cause she warms my heart, makes me laugh, gives me hope and reads my thoughts then puts them into words that I cannot  . I respect her so much...she is a superstar to me!! And guess what?? I get to meet her in 2 days!!

3) What is your stripper name? (take the name of your first pet and the name of the street you grew up on)
Rusty Falls....I better not quit my day job with a name like that LOL. Personally, I like LaVikit Trickelson.

4) How old were you when you lost your virginity? Alternative question if you don’t want to answer this: What is your LEAST favourite part of your bod since losing weight? Your MOST favourite since losing weight?
I was 15. Least favorite: bat wings. Most favorite: I have a waist.

5) Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? Would you be willing to spend a night alone in a house that is supposedly haunted? Yes and NO!

6) What is your natural hair colour? If you dye it something completely different from what your momma gave ya, how come? Natural color is mousy brown. I dye it because I like being blonde, it feels more like 'me'....and it gives me an excuse for when I do really dumb things. Life is for living, hair is for dying!!

7) Boxers or briefs? Alternatively…bikinis or granny panties?
bikini's for both ;-)

8) If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? (Trilogies do not count as one movie, cheaterpantses!)
No trilogies??? UGH!! I don't care, I'm breaking the rules...Twilight duh!! But if I have to follow the rules (which were made to be broken) I'd say Dirty Dancing.

9) What is your guilty pleasure (feel free to go straight to the gutter with this one if the spirit moves you!)
Pedicures

10) How many pounds gone forever are you celebrating??  :) 48 YEA!!!

Random Catching Up....

I guess I've been away for a few days...ok...it's been a week. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to abandon you, things have just been really crazy.

I've been busy with a lot of things but mostly reading a few books. When I really get into a good book the rest of the world stops turning. Seriously, I called in sick to work once (in the middle of Breaking Dawn) so I could read. The books I was reading was The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay. I've read the first two before but the last one came out a couple weeks ago and hubby bought it Wednesday for me as a surprise so I wanted to read the others again before I read the last one. Really, really good books!! I read until 4:30 in the morning Saturday night so I could finish the last book....I just could not put it down!

My son turns 13 on Wednesday. I cannot believe my baby will be a teenager. I feel so old!!

I had a .25 cc fill on Wednesday last week. I feel much better. I'm still able to eat but not as much and I'm staying full longer. Hopefully I can keep the restriction.

After my pity-post last week I did what Drazil told me to do. I got my ass off the couch and went to the gym both Wednesday and Thursday. And I lost 1 pound. Which I will take and be very proud of thank you very much. So, I am now 2 pounds from losing 50. This week is hella crazy and there is no way I see a gym date before Friday. I'm ok with that. I've trying to think of all the things I will be gaining by losing the weight and it's making me feel better. I've even managed to move a few things out of my closet for giving away, things I have no emotional attachment to, thanks to my husband taking everything out of my closet one by one and asking what the story is for that item. If I didn't have a good story it went in the give-away pile. It actually felt good, like progress, and a cleansing of sorts.

Hubby and I built a dog run for our dog Sunday. OMG let me tell you...my arms hurt so freaking bad today from putting all those wire tires around the top of the fencing. Now we're working on building a floor for it, just 2x4's and plywood but it will have to do until spring when we can poor cement. We planned on doing the cement before winter but we realized we won't have another free weekend until mid November and by then we'll have snow. My point in all this is that I managed to rip off half of my big toe nail while playing construction worker. Yea, it hurt like a bitch!! So I will have pretty painted toe nails in Chicago but one toe nail won't be so pretty. It's all my husband's fault, even though he was in the house when I did it, it's still his fault...ummm cause he wasn't there to stop me from trying to move the plywood by kicking it with nothing more than my flip flops on my feet. Sometimes blond goes more than skin deep.

I have been to my hairdresser 4 times to get my hair done for Chicago. #1 The initial appt to color and cut my hair. #2 to cut my hair because he ran out of time and didn't get it cut the first time. #3 To fix the crooked back of my hair and fix the color because after 2 days the color went white with black streaks. Can you say skunk?? But of course he never showed up. Do not even get me started on how pissed off I am. Needless to say I will NEVER go back to him again. #4 To a new hairdresser that fixed my hair perfect, better than perfect. I now love it!!

Like everyone else I am trying to figure out what to bring to Chicago. I really wanted to try to fit everything into a carry-on bag, but I'm kidding myself if I think that will work. I was telling my husband last night at midnight, that I can't decide what to take to Chicago. I was trying to explain to him how important it is that I am comfortable, look good, and that I present a good impression. He said "That's not hard for you to do, you always look good." Huge brownie points for him!! Seriously, I think if I just pack everything I own then I should be covered :-)


I really am getting so excited and nervous. What if I freeze and wind up sitting in the corner with that deer in the headlights stare on my face, terrified to talk to anyone? What if I try to talk to Drazil or Amy W and all I can do is studder and stare? What if I fart in my sleep? I've never had wine...will I like it? If I break a nail will there be somewhere I can get it fixed? What if I twist my ankle walking to the restaurant, fall down, and rip my dress? What if I never want to leave my new best friends? It's all so exciting and scary at the same time. But mostly exciting :)

I'm going to go catch up on blogs and get some sleep. Nite nite everyone :)

Dealing with the mental losses...

Drazil's post today really struck a chord (she has an annoying habit of doing that to me!). This paragraph specifically sent tears streaming down my cheeks....it was truly an ah-ha moment for me.

"if you don’t deal with the mental losses, if you just keep losing without letting go, even grieving who you were….well you’ll miss what you’ve gained and wake up one morning and wonder who the hell you really are at the core. It isn’t just physical. I don’t believe it can be."

 For the past couple weeks I've really been struggling. Conflicted. Anxious. In the lap band seminars, the appointments with the dietitian, the psych eval...nobody ever said I would lose so much more than the weight. But even if they had told me I'm sure I would have said something like 'Bring it on...this fat bitch has worn out her welcome' because honestly nothing anyone could have said would have prepared me for the emotional struggle that goes with my weight loss. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sorry I got my band. I love it! I don't regret it for a second. But I didn't know how hard it would be to 'allow' myself to lose the weight.

I've almost lost 50 pounds, 47 to be exact. I really want to hit that 50 pound mark for Chicago. And I should be ecstatic that I've lost 47 pounds, but I'm not. So many things are changing...my body, my clothes, and my emotions.  I wasn't ready for all this, didn't see it coming, and I don't know how to deal with it.


It's like I have two people living inside me, and it's getting crowded. Meet Skinny Me and Fat Me (they really need better names, but this will have to work for now). Skinny Me is screaming to get off my ass and lose those 3 measly pounds. Skinny Me packs her gym bag before she goes to bed and even puts it in the car so Fat Me can't 'accidentally' forget it in the morning. Fat Me claims to have a brain fart and forgets to put socks in the gym bag, so Skinny Me can't work out after work.  Skinny Me plans dinner meals a month in advance and posts the menu on the fridge for everyone to see. Fat Me decides she wants Arctic Circle instead of Tilapia, and seduces her husband into going along with her. Skinny Me is trying hard to evict Fat Me. Fat Me is scared....and sad. She misses chicken pot pie and scone nuggets at the fair. She feels left behind. Discarded. Useless. Like all those years didn't matter, all the times we cried together, ate Cherry Garcia ice cream at 2 in the morning, like she's been kicked to the curb as soon as something better came along. Abandoned.

The catalyst for all this is that my clothes don't fit anymore. Clothes I've had for years. My three favorite sweaters that I have worn every winter for years and they still look brand new because I baby them when I wash them. I love the way I could snuggle my arms into them on cold mornings. But now I can't. Because they fall off my shoulders. There is the dress that I wore to the first Christmas Army Ball I went to with my husband when we were dating.

I never got to go to the prom in high school, so the Ball was my turn to be a princess. And I felt like one. We danced, we had pictures taken, and for once, I sparkled. I wrote on Facebook that night that it was better than a fairytale, because fairy tales don't come true. The dress I wore to the Army Ball last year, long, black, flowy, elegant, beautiful. And I'll never be able to wear it again. (This picture is at the after party.....we had a blast!)

Or the bra that I wore on my wedding day. (I'll spare you the picture of that one.) It's all lace and boy howdy does that sucker lift and make some awesome cleavage. It was the most I had ever spent on a bra. But I was worth it. And every time I wore it I remembered how special that day was, how I cried when my sister helped me get dressed, and how incredible it was that night when my husband took that bra off me and we made love as husband and wife. And I can't wear it anymore. But I can't let it go. The jacket I was wearing when I signed the papers on MY home. The skirt I wore to my mom's funeral. So many more....

I actually took several things out of my closet last week. Put them aside to give away. Before I could go to sleep I had to get out of bed and hang them back up.

Like Draz said, they're not just clothes. They're memories. My scrapbooks.

My friend talked me into going shopping this weekend. I bought bras, pants, and tops. And I wore one of the outfits today, but it just didn't 'feel' right. Oh, it fit perfect,and I got lots of compliments. But it wasn't the same. It's like moving into a new house. It's exciting and fun to decorate. But it takes a while for it to feel like 'home'. My new clothes aren't 'home'. They are like the fun hotel you stay in for a week, but then want to go home to your old comfy bed, your own kitchen, and your own bathroom. But this time I can't. I can never go back.

So where do I go from here? I realize I am sabotaging myself. Stalling the inevitable grief of letting go. Trying to fit into my clothes for just one more week. Eating that whole damn Tostino's pizza Friday night, nachos for lunch yesterday, and 3 chocolatey turtles on the way home today. And I didn't go to the gym today even though I told everyone that come hell or high water I was going, but something came up and I let it be an excuse to not go. And Skinny Me is pissed as hell sitting here on the couch, crying at 10:30 at night, because I wasted another day not moving toward my goal.

I know that for me to be healthy, to be the me I know I am inside, I have to say goodbye to Fat Me and her clothes. I know that to lose I have to let go. But it's so hard. I've had to let go of so much in my life....my mom, my son, four husbands, my birds. I know these are just clothes, not priceless works of art, not people,  just material objects, but priceless objects to me. They are the link that ties me to all the things that have made me who I am, to those memories that I don't want to let go of, can't let go. Grieving is one thing that does not get easier with practice!



I feel guilty that I haven't done a 'From My Rack to Yours' post. And I feel horrible that I haven't sent any clothes to anyone. But right now I just can't. I'm sorry. And that has to be good enough for now. Please be patient with me. I am slowly understanding why this is a journey and not just a to-do list.


Thank you all for being here, for listening to me, and for being my friends. You all mean more to me than I could ever put into words.

What is wrong with this picture?

I got up late this morning, didn't have time for a shower, did damage control on my hair, and dressed in the dark so I wouldn't wake up my husband then off to work I went without taking 2 extra seconds to check the mirror. I worked all day, then went to dinner with my husband and my son, and then to an appointment to have my hair colored and cut. When I was walking out of the salon I looked down to step off the curb...and this is what I saw....

I shit you not!! I have walked around all freaking day with two different fucking shoes!! I am now wondering if anyone at work noticed. And how could they not notice? I mean really! Women notice other women's shoes. And why didn't anyone say anything to me? Hmmm? That'll teach me to over-sleep and get dressed in the dark half asleep. I cannot believe I did that!!

I threatened my husband with his life if he ever told anyone I did this. His correct response was "Did what?" Good husband.

And you know I can only share this with you because you are all so supportive and I know you would never laugh at me...right?!? You are my friends and you would never do that..right? Are you laughing? ok...really...you can stop laughing now...it's really not that funny. It could have happened to anyone. I'm sure I'm not the first. So who else has done this? No one? Really? hmmmm

Just one more thing to add to the growing list of 'Things that only happen to me.

Thousand Word Thursday

This weeks assignment: A decoration in your home that is very meaningful to you - a family heirloom, a gift from your BFF, etc.

 This is a a set of china that was my mom's and my grandma's before her. I have a couple more pieces from this set tucked away for 'someday' when I get a real china cabinet. For now this much sits on a shelf above the kitchen sink. A little piece of my mom to keep me company while I'm doing dishes. Here is a close up of the pattern (please ignore the dead gnats that get fried from that dumb light):

I Wish Wednesday

Thought I'd take a minute and do a little I Wish Wednesday.

I wish I could put into words how much all your comments mean to me. I was so scared hitting the Publish button on my last post. I thought I wouldn't have any followers when I came back the next day. Not one person left me. Why do we not have words for more than Thank you? Those 2 words just don't seem enough. Your support is priceless.....I wish I would have found you all 10 years ago!


I wish it wasn't time for the fair. And I wish there wasn't so much damn food that I want to eat. I wish I could eat just one scone nugget covered in honey butter. I wish I could eat a slice of the homemade bread with fresh strawberry jam. I wish I could eat a Hansen's Hogie with 1/4 pound of grilled onions. But then I'm so glad that I can't eat everything I want. I love my band!!

I wish I didn't have to exercise to lose weight. To lose weight I have to move my ass, and sweat. And I hate to sweat!

I wish summer wasn't over and we had another warm weekend to go camping. Just two days with no TV, no computers...just campfires and board games. Weekends in the mountains feed my soul and rejuvenates me like nothing else.

I guess that's it for today....not much else going on. Have a great Thursday!!

Thousand Word Thursday.....literally

When I started writing this I just meant to post the pic and a little description of why I like my tattoo. I didn't fathom this would go where it did. I have skeletons in my closet. Scary skeletons. I am ok with what I have written but it's a big leap for me to even mention the things I did. I don't talk about my deep dark feelings very much, or my feelings at all for that matter, if you hadn't noticed. I have a wall. A thick wall. There are things I have started to write about, decided it was too risky, and deleted. I could have deleted the last paragraph just the same. But, the fact that these things started flowing, I started crying, and I just let it go, tells me I might be ready. It hurts, but I know I can't heal without letting it go. Blogging is new for me. I am still testing the water so to speak. But I like it. I need this safe place. I need this outlet. And I'm afraid if I 'go there' it will be gone. Please be patient with me, I have a lot to work through....and I am hoping blogging will help me with that.

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Thank you Amy for this great post topic!!

I don't really have a favorite body *part*. I have crooked toes, my boobs sag and I'm dramatically lop-sided, yea, I know you wanted to know that. I like my face when I have make-up on, but really I haven't used make-up since it got over 80 degrees...and I wasn't about to do it for a blog picture, sorry, you'll just have to wait for Chicago to see that. My hair sucks!! I desperately need a dye job...I don't have gray hair (which really pisses off my younger sister that has a lot of gray) and it's straight and very fine so it doesn't do a lot and doesn't like to hold a curl. My lips are thin...we're talking chicken lips thin. I have no top lip! So I have my lips tattooed. Yes it hurts like a bitch!! My ass is HUGE. My thunder thighs are an embarrassment all their own. So as far as body parts go....I have a lot of room for improvement.

The one thing on my body that I do like is the tattoo of my parrots on my back. The fact that my sister did it makes it even more special. The tattoo is of Ralph & Gus. Ralph is an African Grey and Gus is a Quaker. Ralph was my first rescue and he taught me so much about patience and understanding and forgiveness. I found him in a dark, outside shed, freezing and starving to death in a tiny locked cage. He hadn't seen the light of day in over a year. I don't have Ralph anymore, he lives in Utah with a family that he adores. He became very aggressive toward me when I got divorced. African Grays are very sensitive to changes in environment and family structure. My husband left and he blamed it on me. It broke my heart but I had to do what was best for him. I get to see him when I go to Utah and he is very happy, and that is what really matters.

Gus is my little stinker. He is the only parrot I have right now. He lifts up his wings and says 'tickle tickle' for me to scritch his wings. He plays peek-a-boo in his birdie bed that I made for him. And he goes to school for show & tells.

When I got the tattoo it was to keep my first two rescue parrots with me forever. It has become so much more since then. I didn't realize it then, but now I see how the time that I was doing rescue/rehab was such a dark time in my life. I know now that I didn't save them, they saved me! I would sit in the bird room for hours and cry and they wouldn't judge me for my tears, they didn't pry or ask questions or try to *fix* me and their noises drowned out my cries so no one in the other room would know, they just let me cry, and I needed that. I cried for for my mom. I cried for my 4th marriage that was circling the drain. And I cried for my son that I couldn't save, that calls someone else mom, that I can't talk about, there are no words for the pain or how I will never forgive myself, so I cry. (And that I risk so much for even mentioning here now.)  And I cried for me because I hated the person I saw in the mirror. Unlike my husband, or my kids, my birds were always happy to see me, would always talk to me, were always excited to learn new things. They were damaged, had been abused, and they needed to heal. And I understood. And something amazing happened....as they healed, as I saw them overcome fears of hands and food dishes and new toys and they would start talking again....I too decided I wanted to be happy and I let myself believe I was worth it. My parrots saved me! When I didn't want to get out of bed, when I laid there and prayed for God to just make my life go away, feeling that I couldn't make it through one more day.  When I just wanted OUT.....I got out of bed for my birds. They needed me, but I needed them more!!

Chicago....wanna ride the shuttle with me??

Safety in numbers and all that jazz......

I am taking the 3:20 shuttle to the hotel on Friday and then on Sunday I'm taking the 10:25 shuttle back to the airport.

That's less than 48 hours with BOOB sisters. How will I ever get to talk to everyone in such a short time? I'm wishing we had more time. I really hope this isn't the one and only time we do this. There has to be more! We're not even there yet and I already don't want it to end!!!

So...if you're getting into O'Hare or leaving the hotel about the same time leave a comment and your email address and we'll get it worked out. I think I can change the times of the shuttles if it helps.

NSV or creepy encounter???

I am almost all caught up on blogs. I finally got to my special day on the BOOB's blog. It's like having my name in lights. Pretty freaking cool. And thank you for all the awesome comments. You guys make my day!!

I really need to be getting to bed but I just wanted to leave you all with something funny that happened today. I'm not sure if you'd call it an NSV or a just a creepy encounter....I'm still on the fence.

So I went over to the grocery store today to get something for lunch. I was standing at the deli counter waiting in line when a very elderly gentlemen, way older than my dad, had to be in his 70's, forgot his dentures, and smelled like Pepto Bismal, starts talking to me out of the blue. At first I didn't realize it was me he was talking to. He said something about how the prices of things keep going up. I was polite and agreed. Small talk in the deli line....me thinking I'd be nice because he probably doesn't get out much. Then the conversation talks an awkward turn....

Pepto Man: Do you live around here?

Me: No, I live south of here.

Pepto Man: names a few towns around here

Me: says town I live in (is this line EVER going to move? and why the hell did I just tell a weird old man that?)

Pepto Man: Do you like to dance?


Me: No, not really. (holy shit, this just took a really awkward turn...and is he trying to hit on me? Seriously??) 

Pepto Man: Would you like to go for a walk sometime?

Me: I don't think my husband would like that very much.

And then it was his turn at the counter and while he was talking to the deli clerk I ducked out of line.

So...I ask you...what the hell was that??? Seriously he could have been my grandpa!! Ewww!!! Double ewww!! I need to take a shower!!

Of course I was wearing Carmen's pants today so I'm going to blame it on her. It's all Carmen's fault!

And then.......

Time to catch up on blogs. You have all been busy little bloggers the past few days haven't you? We went camping over the weekend and yesterday we cleaned out the trailer and my youngest had karate. So I am just now getting to sit down and read blogs.

AND

I noticed I have a lot more followers. Thank you all so much for following me. If I'm not following you and you would like me to follow you please leave me a link to your blog in a comment and I'll be right over :)

AND

I was Blogger of the Day at BOOB's!! How cool is that? I haven't had a chance to read the blog yet, I just saw it for a second as I was scrolling through my dashboard to see how far behind I am. But, I'm headed there right now.

AND

I promised a picture blog. It's coming, I promise. But honestly, I might not get to it this week. We're going camping again for Labor Day, so there's a lot to get ready for that. And I really need to get some clothes together and in the mail. And I have made a commitment to myself to exercise for at least 30 minutes every day this week.

I'll be back...headed to immerse myself in blog heaven now :)

New Bandster & Mom's Chili

Hey Everybody! There is a new bandster in town and she could really use lots of Sisterhood lovin' and support. Her name is Angela and her blog is A Better Me :)    She had her surgery a week ago and she's having a really hard time right now. AND if things aren't crazy enough when you first have surgery....she became a new foster-mom to a 2 day old baby just 5 days before her surgery. Hell I could barely take care of myself after surgery let alone the thought of a new baby. She's a single mom with 2 of the cutest girls and now a new baby. Please visit her blog and give her a big hug!

I had lots of good ideas for blog posts this week, one of them with lots of pictures for Sandy Lee's picture-post challenge. Alas, it will have to wait. Hubby started back to school and started back to work all in the same 24 hours. And my son is finally growing, that's the good news. The bad news is his bones are growing faster than his ligaments. So when the bone in his foot grew, the ligament wasn't as fast and the ligament broke a piece of bone off his foot. It's very painful and he's miserable. No karate for 3 weeks. No jumping, no running, no kicking. It's been one day and he's already driving me crazy! I'll get the picture post up, just don't throw tomatoes :)

Tonight I'm getting Chili ready for the crock pot tomorrow. Actually, I'm putting all together in the crock and putting it in the fridge for hubby to put in the pot tomorrow. I have never done it the night before so hopefully it will turn out ok. And since I have the recipe handy I thought I'd share it with all my sisters here.


Mom's Chili

2 lbs lean ground beef, cooked & drained
3 cans kidney beans (I like to use 3 different kinds of beans)
3 small cans tomato sauce
3 reg cans stewed tomatoes (regular stewed tomatoes, the kind with celery, peppers, and onion)
1 small onion, chopped
1 tsp dry mustard (it has to be dry mustard)
2 or 3 beef bullion cubes
garlic salt or powder - couple sprinkles
1 glug worcestershire sauce
1 glug apple cider vinegar
3 tsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp pepper
1 tsp salt
little bit of brown sugar (I just get a small handful out of the canister)

Crock Pot: Combine everything together in a large crock pot (I have an oval one) and cook for about 6 hours on high.

Stove Top: Combine everything in a large stock pot. Bring to a boil. Simmer for 2 hours. It's much better in the crock pot but I have done it this way in a pinch.

This is thick chili, so if want it more saucy then only use 1 lb of hamburger. Or sometimes I'll only use 1 lb of hamburger and add more beans. This is great to freeze in individual servings for lunches at work. And it's a yummy mushy too!!

Random Thoughts, Why's, and Observations

I haven't posted for a few days so I thought I'd do a quick (is that even possible for me?) recap of the week. I'm going to use bullets so hopefully that will keep me from blabbering.

• That fill of .5cc I had last week? It's gone. I had an unfill yesterday. I only wanted about 1/2 of it taken out but the nurse took the whole damn thing. I'm not happy about it. I wasn't having night reflux or throwing up but I was getting stuck after 3 bites of anything, was having a hard time getting all my water to go down, and I noticed the past few days I was looking for slider foods to avoid the stuck. I feel much better now, but worried that I won't have good restriction when the swelling goes down. big sigh.

• My scales landed right back where they were last Friday, 287.2, so no loss this week. Not a big mystery why...I only exercised one day this week, the day I did 3.5 miles at the gym. And every meal except breakfast for the past week was an eat-out meal. I hate cooking when it's hot outside (ok, anytime really).…hate the smells, hate the left-overs tempting me, hate the grocery shopping and hate the mess & clean-up. Yes, I realize if I am going to really be successful at losing this weight then I need to at least get used to cooking at home.

• A few days ago the home page of Ro@m@n's was sporting GOLD METALLIC leggings. Seriously…do these look flattering on anybody?!? It's one of those things where you shake your head, blink a few times and try to make the image go away. And all you can do is ask WHY? The only place I have seen anyone wearing anything like that is in People of Walmart emails. I just don't get it!!

• I bought the dress for dress-up night in Chicago. I can't wait to wear it!!

• I'm not sure if this is an NSV or a fluke, but I haven't had any allergies this year. None. Not even a sneeze. For as long as I can remember by mid July I would have itchy eyes, sneezing, throat itched and would get a 3-mth sinus infection. I was miserable until we had a good hard freeze generally toward the middle or end of October. It was just SOP that I would be getting at least 2 kenelog shots, along with the osteoporosis scare that goes along with them. This year…I haven't even had to take a Claritin. I drive by the grain and potato fields every day so I know all the allergy crap is out there. But now, I roll down my windows when I drive by. The only thing that has changed is the 40 pounds I've lost. I'm not counting it out yet, but I'm gong to enjoy it while the allergies are gone.

• I'm leaving work today at noon. We're going to Jellystone (that's Yellowstone for you yung-uns that don't know Yogi bear). It's our first camping trip in our new camp trailer…it's not new, but new to us….we've never had a trailer before so I am so stoked!! And it's the first camping trip for our dog. She's 8 yrs old but she still thinks she's a puppy and she is going to love the lake!

• Inquiring minds want to know....will Drazil's real name be revealed in Chicago? Is she in the witness protection program? CIA? Does she even know her real name? Does Rambo call her Drazil? I've often wondered about this. In my head I see her as a Nikki. Should we all take a guess as to what her real name is and the winner will get a prize? Of course that means she would have to be willing to reveal her real name, and maybe it's more fun just knowing her as Drazil. Yup, I really need to get a life! LOL

• This one is for the BOOB's planners. Would it be possible to find out what sizes those that are participating in the swap need and/or want? I have a lot of clothes, but mostly in 28/26 sizes and I think most of us are in smaller sizes than that. It would be helpful if I knew that someone could use those clothes, otherwise I would like to send them to someone not going to Chicagoor give them to our local shelter.

That's it….ok, I really suck at short and sweet, I admit, I'm guilty! Have a fantabulous weekend everybody!!

I did it! I really did it!

Until today I have been consistently walking 2.5 miles on the treadmill, 2-3 times a week, and being exhausted when I was done. But this week I decided I was going to push myself to 3 full miles.  Today, on the treadmill at the gym, I walked and walked and walked some more. I just kept going. And I finally made it 3.1 miles, a full 5K....and I did it in 52 minutes. Ok, so the time isn't that great, but the fact that I lasted that long is a miracle in itself.

Then, when I passed the 3.1 mile mark....I kept going. Oh yes I did!! I walked for a full hour for a total of 3.56 miles.


I did a 5 minute warm up at 3.5 mph, then did 1 minute at 4 mph, then alternated between 4 minutes at 3.5 mph and 1 minute at 4 mph. The last 5 minutes I walked 2.5 minutes at 3.5 mph then 2.5 minutes at 3 mph. When I was doing 4 mph my heart rate was 128-129. I will be 40 in October, I weigh 287 pounds. So I think I did pretty good :)

I'm going to try to go back tomorrow and do the same thing. We'll see how sore I am in the morning.

Have a Terrific Tuesday everybody!!!

BYOC

1.  Do you remember your last dream?

*Yes - I had the same dream about my mom again. I am at a train station and I see what I think is my mom in the crowd ahead of me, but I know she died a long time ago. Then, she turns and I see her and I know it's her and I call out to her. She turns and looks at me and I know she sees me. Then she turns and runs to jump on the train. I run after her, calling for her. I am running to catch up with the train and I see her in the window looking at me, but never calling back to me. It's like she never died but was hiding from us all this time. I hate that damn dream!



2.  Which is your favorite body part of the human body and why?

*  On a man, my favorite body part is his arms. I don't like big muscle-busting body builder arms. That's just not attractive to me. And I never thought about arms before I met my husband. But I truly love his arms. He doesn't have obvious huge biceps, but you can definitely tell they are there. And when he puts his arms around me and I feel the strength and the safety in his arms I know there is nowhere else on earth I could ever feel that way. I love holding his arm when we are dressed up, my hand above the bend of his elbow. He tells me I'm his arm candy, and I like that.


On a woman, I like her hair. Is that a body part? I always notice a woman's hair. I have a hard time getting my straight, fine hair to do anything presentable. So, I am always impressed with women that have great hairstyles.

3.  Tell me about your first kiss...

* It was the summer before I turned 14, my family had just moved to a new state. I didn't even really have friends where we lived before, so a boy that wanted to talk to me was like the twilight zone. His was 16. He had the bluest eyes I've ever seen, was very tall, broad shoulders, and he shaved, in my eyes he was a *real* man. And my dad hated him, which made him even more attractive. Every time I was around him I felt like I was going to throw up, my ears would get hot, and I couldn't form complete sentences. I was so twitterpated. We talked almost every day when I would take our dog for a walk. He would wait for me in his yard. One day I was riding my bike and he stopped me and asked me if I had ever been kissed before. I lied. Then he told me that he wanted to kiss me. It was awkward and I didn't even know what I was doing. We dated for 2 years then broke up. We stayed friends and kept in touch until I was about 22, then we just kind of fell away from each other. My sister saw him a couple weeks ago, turns out he lives on the other side of the pasture from my best friend in high school. He asked about me. My sister told him I was married, and he said to tell me hi. awww memories...

4.  How big is your bed?

* We have a regular full sized bed. We cuddle most of the night so it works for us. I like being able to reach out my arm during the night and be able to touch him and know he's there.


5.  Repeat question....whose blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why? 

*  I really have to say Kerri's answers about herself when she accepted her Versatile Blogger award. Specifically what she had to say about her son. I know what she is going through, I have been there, and my heart goes out to her. It took a lot of courage for her to put that out there, she is a very strong woman! I can't wait to meet her in Chicago and give her a hug!

When 4 becomes 10....a real honest-to-goodness band post

I had a fill today. It was very interesting. Not interesting like how does a kid get a matchbox car up his nose. But interesting like why the hell wasn't I told THAT!

I have had 3 fills, the first was 2 cc's, the second was 1 cc, the third was .5 cc. So, doing the math that would be 3.5 cc's. I wanted another .5 cc so that would give me 4 cc in my 14 cc band. Remember this...it will be important....and there will be a quiz.

Let me start at the beginning since I don't think I've ever really brought you along on a fill appointment before. I always weigh in first. Their scales are always about 3 pounds off from mine, but then I weigh in the morning at home and I'm always at the clinic in the afternoon. The scales said the exact same as they did 2 weeks ago, 291. No big surprise there. Two weeks ago I told the nurse I didn't want a fill. I felt pretty good, was staying full for 4 hours on about 1 1/2 cups of food and didn't feel that I needed a fill. About 3 days later I started losing restriction. The past week or so I've been eating a full plate of food and wanting seconds. I didn't eat seconds but I really wanted to. Oh...I did too eat seconds 1 time when we had a luncheon at work and I had 2 bowls of apple crisp with ice cream. It was damn good too!! And I've been hungry about 2 hours after eating. A fill was definitely in order.

To get a fill I have to talk to the exercise physiologist and the nutritionist. And they both have to agree to the fill. The exercise guy is way gung ho about weight training, not so much for cardio. I've been walking, not weight training. So he wasn't too happy about that. Weight training is still really hard for me to get in and out of the circuit machines but I told him I'd work on it.

Then the dietitian comes in the room next. She's new. I feel a little awkward telling her what I'm eating and how I'm doing. Didn't get a good 'vibe' from her. But she agreed to a fill so I can't complain too much.

The nurse comes in. She's new too! I had just gotten used to everyone that was there before and now the 2 people I liked the most are gone. Not feeling the love at that point.

So the nurse is looking at my chart and asks when I had surgery. Then asks me some dumb questions that are already in my chart, I don't have time for small talk, I need to get the fill and get back to work. Yea, I was getting a little testy by then. She did the fill, didn't seem to have as much difficulty finding my port as the other nurse, so that really impressed me. Then she's handing me the water to drink and she says......


wait for it.........


'That gives you 10'

Me: 10 what?

Nurse: 10 cc's of fluid in your band

Me: (thinking...What the fuck!) saying....ummm you said you were only going to give me .5 cc's (and I'm starting to freak out a little).

Nurse: I did give you .5 cc's. I drew out 9.5 cc's and added another .5 for a total of 10.

I guess I must have had that deer in the headlights look on my face because she showed me my chart. And there it was. At my first fill appointment I already had 2 cc's in my band, that the surgeon must have put in at the time of my surgery. My first fill was.....get this....6 mother effing cc's!! The pain I had in my shoulder I had for a week after my first fill and the ache in my neck and throat makes a little more sense now. After that 1st fill I asked the nurse how much I had and she told me 2 cc's. Obviously she meant before the fill, not after. I took it to mean 2 cc's after the fill.

So...I have 10 cc's in my 14 cc band. I am 3 months and 1 week out from surgery. I am a little freaked out. Does this make me a higher risk for erosion? Slipping? I feel like this is a lot of fluid so soon and there isn't a lot of room left for future fills in the next year. I'm close to the sweet spot, I had it for a couple weeks and then lost it. So what happens if I get to 12 or 13 cc's and lose it again? Where do I go from there? I was really feeling good that I haven't had a BP experience or thrown up anything. I attributed that to only having 3.5 cc's of fluid in my band. Now that I know I have 10, what does that mean? Do I really not have the restriction I thought I did? Am I just a really good chewer?

So how many cc's did you have at 3 months? How many cc's did you have at your first good restriction? 

In other news.....I found a black dress for BOOB's that I really like, it's classy, sophisticated, not clingy, perfect. But it's spendy. I don't know if I can justify the cost for a dress that I will likely only wear one time. If I thought it would still fit in December for the Army Ball I'd buy it in a heartbeat. On the other hand, I found a sassy blouse in a dark plum color that would be very cute with the black pants Carmen sent me. The blouse is a fourth the cost of the dress, not as dressy but would be acceptable. Decisions, decisions. Is anyone else going to wear dress pants? Or would pants be under-dressed? The fun, flirty side of me wants you all to tell me to get the dress. The practical, penny pincher says the blouse. What do you think....the dress or pants?

I've got some blogs to catch up on so I'm closing for now. Catch ya all later :)

Nasty Habit....revisited

Just had to make one quick comment. Believe it or not, I am capable of a *short* post. Sheeesh!!

So....the previous post I did about the questions on Dazee Dreamer's blog. Specifically the question about What is your nastiest habit? Yea, I decided I have nasty habit. And it's a juicy one.

**Gross out alert!!**

I like to pop pimples. Especially the big juicy ones. It doesn't matter if they are mine or my husband's or my son's, or anyone else's. I'll pop it! When my son was in high school and he was in wrestling his back would get covered in zits. I paid him a dollar a piece to let me pop them. It was awesome!!

In my defense...I inherited the trait. My mom was the same way. She would pin my dad again the sink, tell him to 'assume the position' and go to work on his back. She took my sisters under her wing and taught us the joys of popping the little suckers, the poppers, the squirters, the wormy black heads. Good times!! A good zit can turn a frown upside down :)

Ok.....I promise this is my last post today, really I do.

Clothes for the taking and Facebook

3rd blog today. I'm on a roll...or bored. Take your pick :)

I have 4 pair of Lane Bryant size 7 blue dot jeans. They are the boot-cut kind so they don't have a huge flair leg. I also have a couple other capris, 26/28 (3X) tops that either are too big for me now or will be by the time we all go to Chicago. If anyone would like these just let me know and I'll take them with me for you.

I have a Facebook page. If you are bored you can find me there at *****. I don't talk about my band on FB, but will talk about my weight loss. I would love to have more friends. Oh, and I don't play Farmville or Farm Town or any of the other games so if you send me a request for a game and I ignore it please don't get your feeling hurt...mmmkay??


It's hubby's Army Reserve drill weekend. So, we're just hanging out in the hotel today. K2 went swimming for about 1/2 hour then wanted to come back to the room to watch Shark Week. Been hanging out in the room most of the day. We normally come with hubby when he does drill; it's usually a relaxing weekend and I get to visit with the Reserve wives and girlfriends. Tomorrow is family day so we'll all be going to a day-long picnic. I always enjoy family day and the kids get to play with friends that they don't get to see very often.

My Soldier just got here so I guess we're going to get some dinner. I'll be back (in my best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice).

I'm doing another question & answer blog. This one comes from Dazee Dreamer at Crazy Daze & Nite Dreams. I like the questions so here it goes....

1.) Tell us one nasty habit you have--we all know you have one!

I didn't really think I had any nasty habits. I'm a lady, ya know! So, I asked my son. Without even hesitating you said 'You have the worst farts!' So there you have it. I have nasty farts. Hey, I live in a house full of boys, if you can't beat em, join em.

2.) You are able to hire one of the following-which is it? Maid, Chef, Gardener.

Maid!! Oh I would love a maid. My niece used to scrub my kitchen floor, do the windows and bathrooms, dishes, the whole house for $50. Then she got a real job and doesn't have time for me anymore. Spoiled brat. Now I have to do it. The thing is...since I have lost some weight it's not so bad to do all that stuff. It used to be that just mopping the kitchen floor would exhaust me for the rest of the day. Now it doesn't even phase me. But I still want a maid, at least to clean the bathroom. With 4 boys in the house the bathroom gets scary!!

3.) Would you sacrifice one of your fingers for half a million dollars?

This is a tough question. Can I pick which finger? I don't need my left thumb to type, so that would be a good one to lop off. Seriously though.....if I needed the money for my kids, like say they needed an operation or had a chance to attend Harvard or something then I wouldn't hesitate for a minute. But if it was just to have the money then I'm not sure I could do it. Half a million would pay off my house, pay for a few killer vacations, a new car and a new truck for hubby, and have a lot left to invest. But it's not enough that I'd feel comfortable enough to quit working. Hmmmm can I trade the finger for a love handle? LOL

4.) Tell us how your husband popped the question? (If you're not married how would you want someone to pop the question?)

My Soldier & I went to Jackson Hole for a weekend get-a-way for Valentines Day. Snowmobiles scare me and I hate being cold. So what better way to spend Valentines Day than being up before the butt-crack of dawn to ride on snowmobiles from Jackson Hole to Old Faithful in Yellowstone? It's about an 8 hour ride for the round trip, I was reluctant to say the least. Yellowstone in the winter is closed to cars, only a certain number of snowmobiles are even let into the park each day. And it is spectacular! If you have ever been to Yellowstone in the summer you know how beautiful it is. But it does not compare to the winter. It's like being on the moon. A whole other world. Incredible. Breathtaking. I was in awe!! And I wasn't cold. We got to Old Faithful about noon and as we were standing on the boardwalk and Old Faithful starting going off my husband pulled a little box out of his pocket, got down on one knee and asked me if I would spend the rest of my life with him. It was so beautiful! Everyone around us from the tour was staring at us. A little girl yelled 'Say Yes'. And I did. I started crying and my tears froze to my face. When we got back to town he thanked the tour guide for taking him out with his girlfriend and bringing back his fiancee.


5.) Is there anyone that has ever done you so wrong that you just can't forget or forgive them...at all?

 Yes. I don't really want to get into it here, now. I'm working on a couple posts that may or may not get published in the future that would talk about this. Basically I have the attitude that if you hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me. I also believe in second chances, but trust is a biggie with me and if someone burns that then it's really hard for me to ever trust them again.

6.) Do you believe that people should wait until marriage to have sex? Why or why not?

I was raised to wait. But I didn't. I don't think it's realistic in our culture or times or whatever you want to call it. I think you can talk to your kids until you are blue in the face, tell them why you want them to wait, that sex is special and should be saved. But honestly, when they are in that situation, 75% of the time hormones will override parents words.

I have told my son that he should wait, gave him all the reasons why, but in the end I just hope that when he does have sex that he'll be smart and use condoms. I put condoms in his stocking last year at Christmas because I knew he was already having sex and wanted him to be safe. He's only had 3 girlfriends, the last one he was with for over a year. So it's not like he's being a gigolo. And for me, I can't imagine marrying someone without test-driving the merchandise first. I mean really, what if you got married and then you were totally incompatible in bed? What if he has some really weird fetish? Or wants you to do something you don't want to do? Yea...I say take the test drive.

That's it. I love Dazee's question & answer posts. I might do more of them. :)